If Microsoft Had Been the First to Invent Books

1. Before you can open the cover of your new book, you must obtain a book activation code (BAC) by phoning Microsoft.

2. Sorry, only one person may ever read your copy of any given book.

3. Your book will be full of spelling mistakes and typos.

4. The type can mysteriously disappear while you’re reading a book. Technical Support will simply tell you to close the book and reopen it.

5. Libraries, which are for sharing books, are illegal.

6. You must acknowledge you have read and understood the Book License Agreement Hype (BLAH) before you can read your book.

7. Microsoft has the right to enter your premises to conduct book inspections to make sure your book is being read in accordance with the BLAH.

8. The Book Users’ Group General Alliance (BUGGA) calculates that the annual loss of revenues to Microsoft arising from BLAH violations in 2001 was $10.97 billion.

9. There are two versions of every book: “Home” and “Pro.” In the standard version, those pages containing the most useful information have been stuck together.

10. Confidential information is inexplicably printed in a larger typeface that can be more easily read by anyone glancing over your shoulder.

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